he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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