I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
