Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
