it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
