Define "chronic" masturbator.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
