Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
