Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm at about main and main street
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
