he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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