Sponge bath it is.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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