i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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