half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
BRING THE BAGELS
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
