I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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