i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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