why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
