I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
