it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
