I faked an abortion last night.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just found a bag of teeth...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
