It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
