Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
