my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Randomize
