Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
