So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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