That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
