apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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