I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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