My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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