I am midnight drunk by noon
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
