I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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