Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
