am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
