no, he came in my armpit
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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