No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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