Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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