My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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