you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
