His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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