i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So much rum. So many feels.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
