I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Non-Jews are for practice
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
