Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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