do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
