her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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