what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
