Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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