Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
