Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
