turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
