I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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