you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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