I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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