somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
