he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
