Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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