Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
