this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
