I skipped work to stalk him.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
