dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
