do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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